I was searching for a topic for today’s blog post. I thought about the next post in my series on leadership but I’d like to reserve that for Wednesdays, if possible. I think writing on that topic too frequently may become too dull for my readers. In my search for a subject, I looked over my list of topics and general areas of interest. I decided to write about genealogy today. Specifically, I thought I’d explore why I’m the family historian.
Admittedly, I’m a rather odd choice for the role of family historian. First, I’m a lesbian, which probably has my very religious ancestors spinning in their graves. Then, I don’t have children to teach about the family’s history. Most of the people who are doing family research have children and grandchildren, and they want to leave their descendants a sense of who they are in connection to the past. Since I don’t have children, I have no immediate descendants with whom to share my knowledge. And, I don’t have an obvious successor who may pick up this work and move forward with it, as is often the case for other genealogists.
Then too, my age is a bit of an oddity in the field. As I mentioned above, most genealogists are older with children and grandchildren. I know some historical and genealogical societies are disbanding because they cannot attract newer, younger members. These groups are watching their founding members die and no one is stepping in to carry on the work. Rather than battle the inevitable, those groups are simply giving in and closing their doors. I shudder to think of the knowledge being lost because of the lack of interest.
None of that, however, explains why I’m the family researcher. I could psychoanalyze myself and say it’s because I was raised mostly as an only child and want to feel a connection to my larger family. Or, I could link my interest in family history to being a writer. My interest in historical fiction suggests that family history research may be a fruitful place to find inspiration for characters and stories to tell.
I could also chalk up the genealogy interest as a search for other “queer” relatives as a way to explain my own present. And, by “queer” I mean the current usage of “gay or lesbian” as well as the traditional meaning of “odd, unusual and different.” For most of my life, I’ve been an oddball in a family of eccentrics. And, as the only lesbian in my generation in the family, I’m interested in finding other people in the family tree who might explain the source of my genetics. I suppose I could be an anomaly in our family history, the lone member of a minority. But, I sincerely doubt that is the case. I’m certain others shared my attraction for the same-sex but they probably conformed to societal standards, married and had children. So, locating them may be a challenge.
None of those possibilities fully explains why I’m doing research on my family. I think my quest for knowledge is influenced by all of those factors. But, those reasons don’t fully explain why I’m doing the research. And, while I would like to articulate a reason for my interest, I can’t exactly explain why family history draws me. All I know is researching my family’s roots is as compelling to me as writing is. That is, I may get frustrated with the research, just as I do with my writing. I may storm around and swear I won’t research anymore, just as I often insist I’ll stop writing. But, something always drives me to pick up a pen and write. And, something always drives me to dig back into the archives in an attempt to understand my origins. I can’t explain either compulsion. All I can do is hope that both will eventually reward my efforts.
